About Me
How running changed my life
Running For My Life
Hi! I’m Dels
It’s not easy “coming out” let alone in your 30’s. I’m sure anyone who can relate to any degree understands the turmoil this causes an individual. Constantly questioning their existence. Who am I? a question I have been asking myself since a very young age and more so at significant developmental times of my life. Looking for an outlet to help me deal with what I was experiencing running unintentionally became a substantial part of my coming out journey.
In 2015, a few friends invited me to run here and there. I enjoyed it but had too much on my mind to give it any actual importance. Currently, in my life, I was secretly battling depression and anxiety. My mind was becoming increasingly restless as I thought more about my sexuality. I was busy with life but was not in a good place. Liquor, marijuana, and partying became my go-to’s and I engaged daily to numb my thoughts and feelings. I was using them to forget and mask my truth.
Being secretly gay made life so exhausting, constantly having to manage internal feelings and always being in survival mode. I was getting to my widths end and was having serious concerns about the direction of my life. So, in 2017, when I finally told myself I need to start making some profound changes I asked myself what things do bring me joy. I was athletic and into sports, I remembered that running made me feel calm yet empowered. I decided then I wanted to learn more about proper fitness, so I decided to become a NASM-certified personal trainer. Doing so allowed me to gain more insight into the subject of running and thus began my journey as a runner. Little did I know that in discovering the benefits of running I would find myself in the process.
That was me at age 31, come 2019 when I was 33 I decided to take on my first marathon, the Bank of America Chicago Marathon. I trained hard and began learning and thinking differently about my health, fitness, and life. This was the start of something good and it was also the year I started to fall in love with a female friend, co-worker, and now girlfriend. She came out to see me for the marathon and her energy that day gave me an overwhelming feeling of joy and hope. Hope that I could one day have true happiness and be my true self.
Shortly after we started talking more seriously, eventually hiding our relationship from everyone for months to a year. It was the happiest yet the hardest time of my life. I felt so constricted and needed an outlet to release all the negative energy I was feeling, so I signed up for my first Ultra in March 2020 in Arizona. It was then as I navigated the desert and my mind that I knew the time to live my true self had come. Running had started improving the quality of my life and I wanted that joy to shine in every aspect of my life. So, after returning home to Chicago, slowly I became comfortable with coming out and expressing myself freely as a lesbian.
Having been out for just three years so much of my life makes more sense now. There is still so much to share, and I can’t wait to write future blogs, but honestly, I’m even more excited to hear back from readers. I hope this blog to be a place of learning, sharing, comfort, and community for all my LGBTQ runners. Running helped me move forward and has taught me never to look back unless it’s to see how far I’ve come. Now is the time, “Lesbsolemates” and enjoy the benefits running has to offer.
